Ironically Speaking
by nojohi
Summary: A Puckabrina high-school AU. Cliche and annoying, but whatever.
1. Chapter 1

"Are you excited about school? I wish I was going, it's going to be so trash! Hey, take this camera and take pictures of all the weird kids for me, okay?" Sabrina Grimm looked down at her little sister and frowned. " 'Trash'?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.  
"It's my new word. It means 'awesome'." Daphne replied with a grin.

"Daphne, that's not what trash means unless you're being ironic."

"I am not! What does 'ironic' mean?" Sabrina sighed and shook her head.

"Nevermind. I'm gonna be late. Seeya later!" She climbed onto the big yellow bus that had just pulled up to the end of their driveway and stopped, feeling a prickle of discomfort on the back of her neck. She was the new kid today, and she hated being the new kid, no matter how many times it happened. Taking a deep breath, she forged her way down the aisle between seats. Whatever. Sabrina Grimm was tough, and she wasn't going to let anyone mess with her today. Scanning for a seat, she finally found one that was empty as the bus began to pull forward, and flopped into it, lifting her bag with the intention of setting on the seat to prevent anyone from sitting next to her. Before she could, however, someone slid into the seat with a movement almost too fast to see. A boy with messy blond hair and green eyes grinned at her impishly.

"Uh, hello," Sabrina snapped "This seat's taken."

"Who're you?" The boy asked, ignoring her.

"Sabrina Grimm, yes, I'm new, and no, you cannot sit here." The boy pulled an apple out of his pocket and took a large, loud bite, putting his feet up on the back of the seat in front of them. "Nice to meetchya, Grimm." He said through a mouthful. "I'm the Trickster King." Sabrina blinked at him, her blood growing hotter and hotter by the second. "Right." she said sarcastically.

"It's true! If you're gonna be attending this school, you might as well know who your royalty is from the start." Sabrina took a deep breath. She didn't want her first day at a new school starting off with a fight, but she was on edge as it was and this guy was not helping. "And what am I, then?" She asked through gritted teeth. He took another bite of his apple and squinted at her for a minute, then declared authoritatively "Nerd." Sabrina was too taken aback to respond for a minute.

"Excuse me?" She spluttered at last. The boy shrugged.

"You asked, I just call it like I see it." Sabrina clutched her backpack to her chest and clenched a fist. This kid was infuriating. Just as she was opening her mouth to give him a sharp retort, the bus pulled to a stop and students began scrambling off. The boy swung his feet off the seat and stood up. "Well, seeya later, Grimm!" he said said with a wink, then flashed her a grin and was gone. Feeling suddenly dizzy, Sabrina sat on the bus until every other student had gotten off, then slowly got up, swinging her bag over her shoulder, and made her way off the bus. The kid was infuriating, but awfully cute—which really just made him even more annoying. She shook it off and hurried to her first class.

Sabrina didn't see the boy again for the rest of the day, but by the time the final bell rang, his assessment of her as a "nerd" seemed to have spread to the whole school, and she was livid. It wasn't entirely untrue—she was admittedly probably rather nerdy about some things, puzzles and forensic science had always fascinated her—but she was not fond of labels, and especially not labels slapped on arbitrarily by a person she'd just met. So when she stepped into the parking lot and saw him waiting for the bus, twirling onion rings around on his fingers, she made ready to march over and give him a piece of her mind. Suddenly a petite brunette girl appeared beside him, and Sabrina paused.  
"Puck!" The girl exclaimed in a painfully shrill voice. "Where have you been all day? You didn't come to the student government meeting. It's important to be there if you want to get elected!" The boy, who Sabrina now knew was called Puck, wrinkled his nose, clearly not enjoying the girl's attention. "Sorry Moth, I had other subjects to attend to." He said flippantly, then caught sight of Sabrina and bounded over to her. "Hey there Grimm! How's my kingdom treating you?" He flung an arm around her shoulders and practically dragged her onto the bus. Sabrina was irritated, but she could feel the girl called Moth staring daggers at the back of her neck, and she decided not to resist. She hadn't liked the girl's attitude and decided irritating her won out over her own irritation towards Puck. They sat down at the back of the bus and Puck shoved her head down rudely, ducking his own so that he couldn't be seen through the window. "Hey!" Sabrina protested. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Be quite, ugly, we're hiding from Moth." Sabrina felt she really would slap him this time. To heck with making a good impression on the first day. "_Ugly?_" she hissed furiously.

"I was being ironic." Puck said, giving her that infuriating grin again.

"Whatever." She growled. "But why am I hiding from her? She's your problem."

"Oh, that." He said, with mock sheepishness. "Well, since she saw us together, she probably hates you now, so I'd suggest hiding." The bus jerked forward and turned out of the school parking lot. Puck popped his head up and peered cautiously out the window. "Good, we lost her." He said cheerfully. "You're safe now, Grimm. And don't worry, I won't let her murder you." he reassured loftily.

"Hello, apparently you talking to me is what put me in danger in the first place."

"Oh." He cocked his rumpled blond head and thought for a minute. "I guess you're right. Sorry about that." Sabrina stared at him in disbelief. What the heck was wrong with this boy? When the short drive home was over, Sabrina got up and shoved past him without a word of farewell, stomping down the aisle and jumping down onto the gravel of her driveway. Daphne was sitting in a lawn chair waiting for her. "Sabrina!" She cried, jumping up. "How was your day? Was it totally trash?" Sabrina opened her mouth to reply, then suddenly felt a presence at her shoulder and whipped round. Puck was standing next to her. "What are you doing here?" She cried, but he ignored her, staring at Daphne.

"Trash?"

"It means awesome." Daphne said. "Who're you?"

"Oh, so you're being ironic." Daphne frowned.

"That's what Sabrina said, too, but I don't know what ironic means."

"It's when you say one thing but what you really mean or what's really true is the opposite." Sabrina said shortly, crossing her arms and glaring at Puck.  
"Oh! I get it now." Daphne said. "So like trash means awesome and ugly means pretty?"

"You're pretty smart, marshmellow." Puck said, rubbing Daphne's head and winking at Sabrina. Suddenly Sabrina remembered his words on the bus: "_I was being ironic."_ She blushed, feeling all at once flustered. Daphne beamed at him.

"Daphne, we have to go now, it's time to feed Elvis." Sabrina said, grabbing her little sister by the hand and pulling her up the driveway. "Okay. Bye, mister, it was nice to meet you!" She waved at the impish boy. "Sure thing, marshmellow! Catch ya later, Grimm!" He called. Sabrina grumbled something incoherent and waved a hand dismissively without looking back, but she smiled slightly for the first time that day. _Maybe infuriating means intriguing _she thought. 


	2. Chapter 2

Puck Goodfellow was the most infuriating _boy_ Sabrina Grimm had ever met, but she had decided that Moth Fürst was the most infuriating _person._ Digging her history book out of her backpack, Sabrina watched, out of the corner of her eye, as the petite girl perched on the edge of her desk and complained shrilly about something that had happened in a previous class. Her long brown hair swinging, Moth kept throwing expectant glances toward the doorway, crinkling her nose in disdain every time her eyes passed over Sabrina. Sabrina ignored her with difficulty. She would have liked very much to tell the haughty girl off, but she refrained. It would only give Moth another excuse to sneer at her.

As Sabrina lifted the heavy book out of her bag and clunked it on the desk, Moth glanced at the door once again, and her eyes lit up possessively—which meant the thing she had been waiting for had appeared. Sabrina glanced round automatically, and sure enough, Puck was striding through the door. His eyes fell on Sabrina, but before he could say a word, Moth slid off her desk and caught him by the arm. "Puck, have you entered your name in the election yet?" She asked immediately, her voice as piercing and her brow as furrowed as ever. Puck squirmed out of her hold and flopped into the seat next to Sabrina, folding his hands behind his head. "I don't care about that, Moth, I told you." he said in a bored voice. Moth's frown deepened, and she opened her mouth to reply, but Puck turned to Sabrina.

"What's up, Grimm?" Sabrina wanted to give him a frown of her own, but as Moth irritated her more than Puck, she smiled. "Just a whole lot of homework." Puck gave her a look of mock horror.

"You actually _do _your homework?" Sabrina just rolled her eyes, but Moth broke in

"Puck, you have to get good grades to be on the student council!"

"Don't you like to have _fun, _Grimm?" Puck asked, ignoring Moth.

"Uhh hello, pretty-boy, you can do your homework and still have fun." Sabrina retorted, then nearly clapped a hand over her mouth. Puck grinned, eyes twinkling, and Moth looked furious. She leaned forward, blocking Puck and Sabrina's view of each other, and laid a hand on Puck's arm.

"_Please _reconsider running for student council president." Reluctantly, Puck glanced up at her, wrinkling his nose. "Aww, lay off, Moth. I already told you I'm not gonna do it." Moth stood up sharply, crossing her arms and gritting her teeth. "Alright, Puck." She said with false sweetness. Puck was looking back at Sabrina again, his face almost serious for a moment as if he were too busy calculating something to maintain his signature impish grin. Sabrina looked away and flipped open her history book, determined to end the exchange. But then Puck said "Hey, ugly."

Sabrina jerked her head up, face burning. She wasn't sure if she was more flustered by Puck's inside-joke flirtation or humiliated by what would be perceived as an insult to anyone listening. Moth looked shocked and gleeful. Puck was smirking. Sabrina changed her mind. Puck was more provoking than Moth, and this time, she was not going to take it, no matter the consequences. She slapped him across the face.

A short while later, Sabrina slumped into a chair in a nearly empty classroom while Puck scrambled on top of a desk facing her. She crossed her arms, glowering at him. "You got me _detention._" she spat. "That's great, Puck, just great. For the record, though, I don't regret slapping you." The corner's of his mouth were twitching. "Well, it seems everything went according to plan." he said.

"W-what?" Sabrina stammered, taken aback. Puck shook his head, unable to contain his smile any longer. "Well, Grimm, ironically speaking, getting quality time with you away from Moth was the last thing I wanted."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: So hey, guys! Okay, here goes: I honestly never intended to make this into a multi-chapter thing. It was supposed to be a one-shot. And then someone gave me a prompt that resulted in the second chapter, and I was just going to end it there, but...people seemingly enjoy it a bit, and some inspiration struck, so I'm giving this multi-chapter thing a go.  
Forgive me, therefore, if it's awful, and if the plot that's emerging seems random—it kind of just happened, and I thought there should be a better plot than "high school" if this is going to go on a little longer...so yeah. Anyways, several people have given me good feedback/constructive criticism, so I'm trying to work on those points (lemme know how I do!)

I'll stop talking now. Hope you enjoy it!

Sabrina stared at the grinning boy for a minute, then scoffed half-heartedly and turned away.

"What, you wanted to hang out with Moth? Paint each others faces or whatever and gush about me?" Puck teased. Sabrina clenched her fists to prevent herself from hitting him twice in one day.

"Shut up, punk." She said through clenched teeth, but her anger only seemed to encourage his high spirits. He laughed gleefully and folded his legs under him on the desk.

"Really, Grimm, what's the big issue?"

The words burst out of Sabrina's mouth before she could stop them.

"The issue, dimwit, is that I don't like you much better than Moth, and I don't like the idea of being home late and scaring Daphne into thinking I disappeared like our parents!"

Puck blinked, and Sabrina clapped both hands over her mouth. She hadn't meant to share something so personal with this idiot. She looked down at her desk, unable to meet his gaze.

The room was deadly silent, and Sabrina shivered.

"It's cold in here." she mumbled, trying to explain away the emotion that pounded in her head.

There was a shuffling sound and a sudden, slight weight on her shoulders. She glanced up in surprise. Puck had shrugged out of his jacket and draped it around her. He was staring out the window with his hands in his pockets.

"I was hot, anyway." He muttered.

Sabrina felt her heart do a death-defying acrobat flip inside her chest. The sensation was so strong that she nearly clapped a hand over it.

When the churning of her insides finally stopped, she mustered her best sarcastic tone and said

"No thanks, then."

They spent the rest of detention in awkward silence.

The next day, Puck found her on the bus again and flung himself into the seat, propping his feet on the one in front of him as usual. Sabrina opened her mouth to make a snippy comment, but stopped when she noticed that he was wearing an unusually broody expression. She shut her jaw with a snap and turned toward the window, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She wasn't sure how to deal with this serious version of the normally unbearably cocky boy. With a start, she realized she was much more comfortable with his boisterous teasing, annoying as it was, than the subdued aura that came from him now.

"What's your deal, pretty-boy?" she asked mockingly.

He glanced at her distractedly, then broke into a grin, and all traces of gloom fell away so fast that Sabrina blinked, wondering if she had imagined them.

"I see you're here again, Grimm. Can't stay away, can you? Why is that?"

They pulled into the parking lot, and Puck jumped out beside her, matching step as the entered the building. Sabrina glanced sideways at the cafeteria as they passed it and wrinkled her nose.  
"Well it can't be the grub." Puck looked genuinely horrified.

"Are you kidding? That stuff is fit for royalty. Well, I guess you wouldn't know. But I could entertain even the _nastiest _royals with a feast of that stuff!" He emphasized nastiest as if it were a term of high honor. "Even Godric Gryffindor is envious of my chow!" Puck exclaimed, puffing out his chest proudly, and apparently almost entirely serious.

Sabrina raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't Gryffindor from that book series? Pretty sure there's no such person."

Puck _hmphed_ at her, spun on his heel, and marched defiantly back toward the cafeteria.  
Sabrina shrugged and continued to their classroom. When she saw Moth however, she nearly turned around to join him. The elfish girl was staring straight at her, arms crossed and brows arched. As Sabrina sat down, Moth leaned toward her, a gloating smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"You really think he's interested in you, _Sabrina?_" She laughed, a wind-chime sound that Sabrina found irritating. "What an imagination."

It was Sabrina's turn to laugh. "Please, Moth. I've been here like, what, not even a month? I don't care who that idiot dates. Have at it." She turned away decisively and began pulling books out of her backpack. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Moth's face redden with fury, but she ignored it.

When Puck arrived a few minutes later, Moth was composed and smooth, but he sat down next to Sabrina and passed her a folded piece of paper with a sparkle in his eyes. Sabrina silently cursed him for doing such a thing in front of Moth, but she flattened it against her desk and read it anyway.

_Grimm. Meet me behind the bleachers at, uh, what time does school end? That time. _

_-The Trickster King_

Sabrina briefly wondered how he passed any classes, then cursed him mentally again. He might as well have set out to confirm Moth's suspicions toward Sabrina, because everything he did ended up implicating her. She grabbed a pen, scribbled back _sure _and tossed the note at him.

When Sabrina found Puck outside after the last class, he was attempting to climb up the back of the bleachers that surrounded their football field, a pair of plastic binoculars clamped awkwardly between his teeth. She sighed dramatically.

"Puck, what are you doing?"

He yelped, dropping the binoculars as he did, and nearly released his perilous grip on the metal frame of the bleachers. Sabrina doubled over laughing, feeling suddenly jubilant that she had managed to startle him.

"I was setting up surveillance." he said defensively. "But now you made me drop the surveillance equipment, so it's pointless."

Sabrina crouched and picked up the binoculars, holding them aloft.

"You mean this?"

"Yeah!" He reached out a hand for them, and said "Thanks!" at the same moment that Sabrina cried warningly "Puck!"

With another yelp and a groan he crashed to the ground. Kneeling, Sabrina bent over him anxiously.

"Are you okay?"

He groaned again and rubbed the back of his head.

"Idiot." Sabrina said furiously, setting the binoculars on the ground. She slid an arm behind his shoulders and helped him sit up.  
"Why are you so stupid? And what's this all about?" Puck brushed some gravel dust off his jacket and suddenly locked eyes with her, once again wearing that abnormally earnest expression. Sabrina gulped and leaned back.

"What?"

He stared at her for a minute, then dropped his gaze.

"Uhh, Grimm...did your..." he hunched a shoulder uncomfortably. "Well, did your parents like run away or just...disappear?"

Sabrina felt her jaw drop open. Heat rose to her face. She had gotten the impression that her indiscreet comment in detention was a closed topic—at least, she'd hoped it was.

"Um..." she coughed and ducked her head, letting her blonde hair fall around her face. "We think they might have been abducted, or something..." She fidgeted with the zipper of her jacket. "Why?"

Looking up tentatively, she saw Puck shrug.

"I...might know a guy." he said.

Sabrina felt as if there were a lump of her grandmother's outlandishly thick oatmeal in her throat.

"Puck..." she said softly. He shrugged again, then grinned.  
"No need to thank me! I'm in it for the glory." He wobbled to his feet, and Sabrina stood up as well. "I'll come over to your house tomorrow and we'll discuss the details of my launch into fame. Now, where is Moth?"

Sabrina raised an eyebrow. "Where's Moth? Why the heck would you actually be looking for Moth?" His eyes twinkled. "Cuz I wanna tick her off. She'll really flip if she sees us here."

Sabrina took a step back from him. "Oh no, you do not, pretty-boy. She'll take it all out on me."

She turned to leave when Puck suddenly exclaimed "There she is!" and before she could react, draped an arm around her shoulders and began steering her back towards the parking lot. Sabrina moaned and punched him in the chest.  
"You're going to regret this tomorrow. I swear, I'm going to pay you back ten times for whatever Moth does to me."

He shrugged. "The entertainment is worth it."

_Why is human/teenage Puck such a flirt? Ack. I think this is why I don't usually go for Aus—it seems to me it's more difficult to make characters stay in character when there are alterations that necessarily make them slightly different...I dunno, maybe I'm just trying to justify my characterization. What do you think? Does it work, is it OOC, etc? _

_Also, this is starting to sound sort of V-Mars ish...ooooh Sabrina and Puck as Logan and Veronica, that's a great image. Anyway, stay tuned! _


	4. Chapter 4

Sabrina wasn't sure what she'd expected when Puck had said that he'd drop by her house the next day, but she shouldn't have been surprised when he _literally_ dropped through her window.

She screamed, flinging the chemistry book she'd just opened at him.

"Ow!" Puck tripped over the book and fell face first into her bed. "What's the big idea, Grimm?"

She scrambled away from him, banging her shoulder in the wall.

"You're asking _me _that?! You just climbed through my window out of the blue! What the heck, Puck?"

He pushed himself up and crossed his legs, grinning.

"I told you I was gonna come over."

Sabrina felt like her head was going to explode.

"Yes, but you could walk through the door like a normal person! You-" she stopped as the door creaked open.

"Sabrina? Why are you shouting in an empty room? Have you finally gone bonkers-" Daphne entered the room and froze, eyes going wide when she saw Puck.

"Oooh. Sorry, I'll leave you two alone." She wiggled her eyebrows dramatically and gave Puck a mischievous grin (which he returned, to Sabrina's horror) and turned to leave.

"Daphne, wait!" Sabrina said, her face hot. "I was just _trying _to explain to Puck that _normal _people walk through doors. But, um," she frowned, suddenly feeling the seriousness of the matter, and softened her voice a little.

"I think...Puck thinks he might be able to help us find Mom and Dad."

Daphne stopped and turned around slowly, looking past her sister at the blond-haired boy.

"Really?" she asked, her eyes now double the size they'd been when she first entered. Puck nodded, grinning again, and in an instant Daphne flung herself on him, hugging him hard around the middle.

"Hey there, marshmallow!" Puck said, knuckling her head. "Like I told your sister, I'm in it for the glory."

"You're the best!" Daphne squealed, finally releasing him and bouncing onto the bed between Puck and Sabrina.

Sabrina's heart felt like it was beating too fast. She hoped Puck really could help them—she didn't want Daphne to go through anymore heartache.

"Anyways, Puck, you said you know a guy." She said loudly. He glanced up at her.

"Oh, yeah. I've got this friend who's a Private..Instigator or something."

"What's an instigator?" Daphne piped up.

Sabrina sighed. "Well, for starters, it's not what he meant—that would be investigator—an instigator is someone who starts things."

Puck's face lit up. "Like me!"

"Yeah, exactly like you." Sabrina grumbled. "Anyway, who and where is this friend of yours? And his he even willing to help?"

"Oh yeah, he'll help." Puck said confidently. "I told him we'd meet him in the woods."

Sabrina stared incredulously.

"In the _woods_? I am not going to meet some strange man in the woods."

"Aww, c'mon, Grimm, don't be such a spoil-sport. Besides, you have me to protect you!" His eyes twinkled.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of." Sabrina mumbled. Daphne giggled.

"It'll be fun, Sabrina, come on!" She begged. Sabrina looked down at her little sister thoughtfully. She was worried about letting Daphne down, but she was also worried about getting her involved in something that sounded as fishy as Puck's plan to help did. It wasn't that she mistrusted Puck himself, she admitted to herself grudgingly, but she certainly didn't trust his instincts as much as she trusted her own.

She looked into Daphne's big, round puppy-dog eyes and Puck's dazzling green ones, and as tough as she was, she gave in.

"Fine. Let's go."

The deeper they trekked into the woods behind the Grimm's house, the more wary Sabrina felt. Finally she glanced at Puck and asked in an exasperated tone

"Is there a _reason _we have to meet this guy in the woods?" Puck shrugged. Sabrina turned away from him with a huff.  
When they finally reached the spot that Puck had selected for the meeting, Sabrina was relieved that Puck's so-called PI at least _looked_ like a PI—a bit non-descript aside from his long, dark coat. He nodded at them as they approached.

"Hello, Puck."

"Hey, Old Soldier!" Puck replied cheerfully. The man laughed at the puzzled expressions on Sabrina and Daphne's faces, stepping forward to shake hands.

"Just a nickname." he explained. "Name's Mike Aldridge. Puck tells me your parents are missing?" Sabrina nodded, feeling suddenly silly about the whole thing, but she said

"They've been gone almost six months now."

"Hmm. And no one tried to do anything about it?"

"The police looked for a while." Daphne chimed in. "But then they stopped and we got sent to live with our grandma."

"I see." Mr. Aldridge mused. "And where were they when they went missing?"

"We lived in New York City." Sabrina answered. "But my dad's from here. Are...are you really going to be able to find out anything from here? And, I don't have any money, so..." she trailed off, but Mr. Aldridge smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I owe this boy some favors." He jerked a thumb at Puck. Sabrina felt a surge of curiosity as to how a grown man had possibly come to owe a mischievous teenage boy like Puck, but she decided she probably didn't want to know.

"And I'll take a trip to New York at some point if I have to," Mr. Aldridge continued "but starting at the very beginning is a good thing. If your father's from Ferryport, I'm sure I can dig up something useful around here."

"Th-thanks." Sabrina stammered, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

"No problem!" Mr. Aldridge said cheerfully. "Now, if you could just tell me everything you know about when and how they disappeared."

They all sat down in the grass, and Sabrina and Daphne related the story of how their parents simply hadn't come home one day. There had been no trace that anyone could find and neither of the girls had any idea about what might have happened—their parents behavior had been perfectly normal up until the disappearance. Mr. Aldridge listened and took notes, nodding as they spoke. When they had finally finished, he stood up with a sigh. The other three followed suit.  
"Well, thanks for all the information. I'll try to look into some things here and give you an update on my progress as soon as I find anything worth telling you about." He shook their hands again and they all parted ways, Mr. Aldridge walking back towards the edge of the woods and Sabrina, Daphne and Puck making their way back towards the Grimm's house. When they reached the house, Sabrina boosted Daphne through her bedroom window and turned to see Puck walking away.

"Wait." she said. There was a scraping noise behind her and she turned around again quickly to see Daphne pulling the window shut.

"Wha-"

"Be back by ten!" her sister trilled, and slammed the window down.

"Daphne!" with a sigh of exasperation she looked back at Puck, who was looking at her expectantly.

"I, uh, wanted to say thank you." she stammered. "And, um, I wanted to ask why...why are you doing this for me—us?" she added hastily.

Looking uncomfortable for the first time since she'd known him, the boy shrugged.

"I dunno, 'cause you're..." he flushed, then said hurriedly "Aww, just 'cause it might be fun. Anyway, seeya at school on Monday. Later Grimm!" and with that he turned and dashed off before Sabrina could say a word in response.


End file.
